There are a lot of things said about Texas. Some of them are true and some of them are false. The true things are generally being told by Texans. The falsehoods and lies generally come from non-Texans. I’m writing this today to clear the air and help you understand Texas more fully. All of these facts are 100% true. You can trust me. I’m a Texan.
1. Texas is the largest planet in the Solar System
Nasa and the other science folks who deal with that kinda thing recently announced that Texas was, in fact, the largest planet in the Solar System by a wide margin. They clarified the arrangement of the planets and said that the Earth doesn’t actually revolve around the Sun. Earth revolves around Texas. Crazy huh? Who knew?
2. It’s also the largest continent on Earth
You might be asking yourself, “how in the heck can it be its own planet and a continent on Earth?” Well, Texas is just that awesome. It defies physics, science, and common thinking, but it is what it is.
3. Texas happens to be the biggest country in the United States too
As you can see in the above map, which is totally drawn to scale, Texas is gigantic compared to the rest of the U.S.A. “Where is Alaska?” you ask? Alaska doesn’t really count because it really is smaller. Even if it was bigger, the only folks who live there are a few bears, some Salmon, and Sarah Palin. The population is just too small to matter. Texas is best. You can’t argue with facts y’all.
4. Vegetarian is an old Caddo word for “can’t hunt”
The word “Texas” is derived from the Caddo Indian word for “friend”. It makes sense that we would name our state that since we are all so dang friendly. What is less well known is that the word Vegetarian is a word derived from the Caddo language that means “one who can’t hunt for squat”. It’s true. Just go to your local library and look it up in the Caddo dictionary.
5. The fountain of youth is in Texas
It’s gotta be here and I’m pretty sure George Strait knows exactly where it is. He hasn’t aged a year since the 80’s. Poor old Juan Ponce de León was obsessed with finding it and all he had to do was come to Texas. Poor fella. Anyway, long live George Strait.
6. Texas’ largest export is egos
We’re very proud folks, in case you haven’t been able to tell so far. Our entire economy is based on it. Well, that and financial services, oil, Tex-Mex food, awesome Texas country music, Houston rap, and Whataburger.
7. The Texas flag is on the Moon
The first word spoken on the Moon was “Houston”. The Astronauts on the Apollo 11 mission enjoyed their time in Clear Lake and the Houston area so much that they decided before blastoff to plant the Lone Star Flag on the moon. It’s been there ever since because, well, Texas is forever.
8. The reason Texas has never fallen off in to the Gulf of Mexico is because Oklahoma sucks
This one doesn’t need much explaining. It’s simple geology.